I am from Tide detergent,
From Colgate and Tresseme shampoo.
I am from the football lying in the back yard.
(Brown, dirty, it felt like happiness in my hands.)
I am from my pool
The 4ft deep water
Whose glistening waves I remember
As when they calmed my anxiety.
I am from spaghetti and cherries,
From giant green grapes and strawberries.
I am from the geeks
And the nerds, from Cheer-up! And Shut-up!
I am from told-you sos
And I hate you
I am from the wind that whips
Through my hair on a hot day.
I am from books and drawing,
As i did relaxing on my front porch.
I am from Monopoly and Candyland,
From Mario and spyro that me and my brother loved to play.
I'm from barbeques and wet dog,
As the smells I grew up with.
I am from the place where my heart was born,
The town with a community where most everyone knows each other.
I am from the photos that hang from the walls,
The rewards that we hang on the refrigerator.
I am from the place I call my own,
The place I feel safe.
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the last stanza, and some of the earlier phrases like your description of your pool's "glistening waves" and the line "I am from the wind that whips" - so descriptive! I wonder what would happen if you used more poetic elements in your stanzas, playing with your word choice to make the rest of your lines as evocative. I am intrigued by the final two lines and I wish there was a way to add this element to other stanzas...
I really liked how you used products like the toothpaste and shampoo. I also liked the "wet dog" part. I wonder what would happen if you gave more detail on things and put your memories in a more organized order.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your writing because you gave a lot of descriptive words and reading what you wrote, I could really picture everything you wrote about. Especially the pool and the dirty football. I wonder what it would be like if you used a bigger variety of words that described what you were describing, like glistening. I wish that the stanzas could have been longer so I could get a better feel of what it was like growing up as you.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this and it told me a lot about where u come from. I wonder what it would be like if you gave more details on some of the things you talked about. I wish you could have added more to it, but besides that it was really good:).
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you used the photos on the walls and rewards on the refrigerator. The way your had things put together made this a really good piece of writing. Most of what you said you were from I can relate to a lot. I really enjoyed reading this. (:
ReplyDeleteI love the part where it says..i am from the place where my heart was born.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what would have happened if you had added more names or elements that make it unique.Good job!
I really liked your poem and one of my favorite parts was when you talked about hanging rewards on the refrigerator. I liked how you put everything together, it worked very nicely. I wish you had added even more things in your poem about your life because I thought it was really interesting and left me wanting to hear more. I wonder what your poem would be like if you had added more details to the things in your life.
ReplyDelete